The Housewife Assassin Series

Tip #24: Yes, You Can Be Your Very Own Welcome Wagon

Even if the neighbors seem declasse, go ahead and drop off a chocolate cake. Tip: Put coffee in the batter-- to cover tartness of the belladonna poison.

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

 

 

Tip #21: A Friend Stopped By for Coffee? Tell Her to Sip on This

Coffee klatch with a nosy neighbor? I wonder if she knows you mean it when you say "If I tell you, I have to kill you!"

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

 

Tip #19: There's Nuthin' Like Sumthin' in the Oven...

My oven is state-of-the-art. Don't believe me? Go ahead, stick you head in to see...Oops, the gas is on? Oh my God! Now, how did THAT happen?

 

 

 

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

 

Tip #15: EVERY Dream Kitchen Has One...

Convection oven? Check! Sub-zero fridge? Yep. Pantry that doubles as a torture chamber? But of course!

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

Tip #14: Doing Some Gardening This Weekend? Don't Forget...

...To prune your poisonous plants! Monkshood tea, anyone?

 

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

 

Tip #13: Best Pie Crust? Here's a Tip!

Yes, you'll need water in your crust.

(If it's a gift for a thug, a little arsenic wouldn't hurt, either.) Bon appétit!

 

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

Tip #11: How to Get Rid of a Ketchup Stain

Blot out excess goo, put under cold water, then rub with detergent.

Blood stains? Squeeee! Whose, may I ask?

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

Tip #7: What to Do If Your Butcher Is Fresher Than the Meat He Sells

Show him a few new tricks with his slicer. Gives new meaning 2 "finger food." 

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

 

 

Tip #5: The Best Knife for Deboning a Chicken

The 3.75 Forschner Fibrox.

Best knife for or slicing a thug: The Assassin Extension Knife.

Easy peasy!

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

 

Tip #3: How to Make a KILLER Pot Roast

Killer pot roast? Slow cook in red wine, garlic, thyme, Polonium 210--then serve to thugs. L'appétit mortelle!

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!