The Housewife Assassin Series

Tip #16: Here's the Perfect Father's Day Gift?

Show Hubby your love by washing his car.

Gentle reminder: today is NOT the day to tinker with his brakes!

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here! 

 

Tip #15: EVERY Dream Kitchen Has One...

Convection oven? Check! Sub-zero fridge? Yep. Pantry that doubles as a torture chamber? But of course!

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

Tip #14: Doing Some Gardening This Weekend? Don't Forget...

...To prune your poisonous plants! Monkshood tea, anyone?

 

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

 

Tip #13: Best Pie Crust? Here's a Tip!

Yes, you'll need water in your crust.

(If it's a gift for a thug, a little arsenic wouldn't hurt, either.) Bon appétit!

 

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

Tip #12: Do NOT Beat Your Rugs...

Instead, use a HEPA-filtered vacuum.

DO beat a thug! (You can use the vacuum for that, too...then wrap his body in the rug, for disposal.)

 

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

Tip #11: How to Get Rid of a Ketchup Stain

Blot out excess goo, put under cold water, then rub with detergent.

Blood stains? Squeeee! Whose, may I ask?

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

Tip #10: Gardening? Be Sure to Use the Right Tools

I recommend a shovel, trowel, and a hoe! (Handy hint: The remains of bad guys make a great fertilizer...)

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

 

Tip #9: How to Store Last Season's Clothes

Use the plastic zip bags that comes with newly purchased bedding-- which is also great to suffocate thugs! 

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

Tip #8: Why Bleach Is the Key for Whiter Whites...

You use it in the laundry's prewash cycle! It's also key for  blinding targets. You just throw it in their eyes!

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!

 

Tip #7: What to Do If Your Butcher Is Fresher Than the Meat He Sells

Show him a few new tricks with his slicer. Gives new meaning 2 "finger food." 

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MORE TIPS in The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide! Read an excerpt here!